COVID Diaries - Acts of Kindness

Day 12 Prompt:

In times of instability we often see some of the sweetest acts of humanity. Today, reflect on some of the recent kindnesses you have seen. Do one extra kind thing. If you can share it in your reflection, please do.


I have seen kindness all around me!  My co-workers are checking in on each other scheduling happy hours, coffee breaks and listening when someone is having a tough day.  The boys school has meal pick ups because we live in a district where sometimes school is the only consistent meal kids have. I'm on a chat group with a few friends and one of those friends who is an essential worker (a term she hates) asks us all if we need anything when she goes to the store, when I was running low on TP she came through!  Another friend started giving us all space to vent but also asked us for our happy for the day which is something I look forward to throughout the day.  I have received phone calls, texts and even a card in the mail from my church family.  On Beckett's birthday our friends went out of their way to drive over here with signs, honking and singing happy birthday.  The children's director at church sent Beckett a special typed birthday card with the UGA logo and confetti, it meant so much to him. 


We've lived in our neighborhood for almost 13 years and other than then few people who live around us we haven't met anyone else, however a nurse posted to our facebook page that she was seeing so much tough stuff at work she wanted to spend the weekend taking phots of people in their yards so she could see a little happiness.  We signed up and she came to take our pictures.  Turns out we are both from WV, she lives on the street behind us and does raised bed gardening which is something I want to start doing. Her and I have become facebook friends and chat all the time.  Her act of kindness made us a new friend. 


As for my act of kindness.  Yesterday I went to Target to get some essentials.  While there I saw an employee who was talking to everyone who went by and most people would either ignore her or look at her like she was crazy.  I decided to stop and chat from 6 feet away.  I asked how she was doing and she said "I'm doing great but you are the first person who has actually said something to me in about an hour".  We got to talking and she said that people are not being rude but what she misses the most is that while she's working her 8-10 hour shifts no one really talks to her.  They act like they are scared when she talks to them.  It makes for a really long day when you feel like everyone is afraid of you.  That hit close because I'm afraid when I'm in the stores.  I think back to a few weeks ago when I was in Publix and the person stocking the shelf ask if I was finding everything OK, and I wasn't but I gave him a weird look that surely said why are you talking to me and told him "yes I have it under control".  I didn't mean to be rude but going out in public is scary!  It is also not lost on me that had this happened 4 years ago while Alfred was still at Publix our COVID life would look different.  I've made a commitment to at least acknowledge the store employees I come in contact with.  They are there because they have to be and it would be really terrible to go 8-10 hours feeling like people are scared of you. 

COVID Diaries - Role Strain

Day 11 Prompt: In my classes we talk about role conflict and role strain. We all have different roles in our lives--familial roles like wife, sister, mother, personality roles like the peacemaker or the worrier or the fixer or work roles (boss, salesperson, teacher, etc). Role conflict is when we are torn between two different roles in our lives (mother and teacher or wife and mother). Describe some of your roles. Reflect on some of the role conflicts you may have been experiencing during this time . If you can, illustrate one of your role conflicts with a picture or meme.


I am a mother, wife, worker bee, friend, sister, daughter, worrier. 


The role that has been most strained has been that of working mother outside the home vs. Working mother inside the home with children also there. I have always loved being a full time working mother.  I have rarely if ever gotten the itch to stay home with the boys full time. Even as a small child when I played house my husband stayed home with the kids while I worked.  Sometimes the roles of mother and employee are in conflict with each other but in our house it's rare.  Alfred is an amazing dad who does a lot of the kid duties.  We often laugh because when I show up to school events everyone wants to know where Alfred is because they have something they want to talk with him about.  He is on the board of both of our kids aftercare programs and is always dropping food off at the school for teacher appreciation events.  Everyone knows and loves him!  He is the one who does the school stuff, however, when it comes to homework neither of us help the boys a lot, we feel it is the boys responsibility to get their stuff done. It is their responsibility to plan and if their grades reflect poor planning then there are consequences.  This has caused some conflict now that all learning has been brought in house as well as working from home. Neither Alfred or I took responsibility setting the boys up for success and because this was new to them they had no idea how to set themselves up for success.  The first few weeks were spent with the boys watching approx. 10-12 hours of TV a day, Alfred and I feeling terrible about it and blaming each other only to let it happen again the next day.  Finally one night Alfres and I split a bottle of wine had a heart to heart and I admitted I was never ever ever going to read the emails the school was sending about distance learning and that I needed him to take on that responsibility.  I don't want the boys to be behind but I also have no desire setting up a learning plan for them.  Once they get going I'm fine to keep them on schedule and answer questions. I just don't want to be the one who is responsible. Teacher is not a role I'm fond of.

COVID Diaries - Failth

How (if at all) has Covid affected your spirituality and your faith? Has it impacted the way you worship and if so, how do you feel about that? What are some of the spiritual lessons you feel like you could learn from this moment in time?




COVID hasn't affected my Faith, however, I have noticed at my company more and more people are talking about religion.  Not in huge ways but they are letting their guard down and saying "I'll pray for them" when we find out someone was exposed to COVID.  It's been refreshing.



We typically go to church every Sunday morning but with the Stay at Home order church has been closed so we have been attending on-line church and on-line Sunday School. Kingston is attending on line youth and he has really enjoyed staying connected. I've enjoyed the virtual church on the couch with my family but I miss seeing everyone face to face.  I've really liked that our Sunday school has continued to meet via Zoom. It's so great to catch up with everyone.  This week I even got a text when Alfred and I were running a few minutes late asking if we were joining.  It's great to connect and have people checking on you. We have done communion at home a few times and that has been fun.  I realize that God is all around me and I don't need the building to worship but I sure do miss the


building and the people.


During this time the biggest lesson I've learned is that all things are out of my control. I'm a worrier and this time period has taught me not to worry so much.  Sure I worry about the virus but the loss of jobs but all I can do is try my best and hope for the best! 

COVID Diary - Picture Addition

Yesterday's assignment was another picture addition.  Post at least 4 pictures that describe your day even if they are exactly like Tuesday.

I let the boys choose their own assignments as long as they contain research and presentation.  Kingston video chats with a few friends from school and they decided to research different Countries and then present them to each other at the end of the week. Kingston did a presentation on Iran and they all did that on Friday.  Beckett chose to research recipes. He found an easy Oreo dip recipe that he and Kingston made Saturday morning and presented to the family.

Laney turned 15 years old just before quarantine and it has been a gift to spend so much time with her.  We take her for a short daily walk which she really loves, she spends the rest of her day following us from place to place and staying close.  I will treasure this time spent with her.  Even if she tends to bark at the most inopportune times when I'm on a conference call.

We've found Saturdays are good for projects.  Three weeks ago Kingston and Alfred did mulching, cleaned the gutters, scrubbed the deck and the hot tub.  Last week Alfred and I painted all he base boards.  This week we put together shelves for our attic and organized our attic and Alfred painted the railing outside. 

Although Alfred and I have loved spending so much time with the boys we have missed date night so we decided to have a hot tub date night. 

COVID Diaries - Entertainment

During Covid how has your entertainment changed? Write about what you are watching and listening to. What has shaped your choice? What tv show, book, etc. will remind you of this time? How has what you are consuming connected you to those around you?


Typically on Pre Covid mornings I would get the family out the door at 6:45 and then I do laundry, eat breakfast, get ready while watching a TV show.  I listen to a book or podcast on my way to work.  We watch a family show as we eat dinner. Alfred and I watch a show after the boys have gone to bed.  On Fridays we take turns picking a family movie and ordering pizza. We occasionally play a board game.


Now I get out of bed, log on and start working so there is no morning TV.  My commute is a short walk to the kitchen so I don't have time to listen to a podcast or my book.  We were doing movie night every night but lately we've chosen to play board games instead and then Alfred and I stay up until midnight or 1 watching a show together.  We started out with Season 3 of Ozark and have transitioned to MindHunter (both of which are great). We have been listening to episodes of Imagined Life while we painted our baseboards and rearranged our attic.  We have started playing our wii again and taking a lot of walks. I also purchased a Passion Planner so I've spend some time reflecting on what my Post Covid life will look like.

As for ways to connect this journal has been wonderful! I look forward to reading everyone's posts and seeing what they are doing, how they are holding up and validating that some days are just harder than others.  I also have morning coffee with a group of work friends and Friday Happy Hour with a group of friends that I look forward to. I'm still calling and talking to mom, although not nearly enough so when we do catch up it can end up being an hour on the phone.

The board games are what I think I will most remember. We have a plan to play through all 50 plus games and decide the keepers. Beckett is not a gracious loser so many nights end with yelling and hateful words followed by laughter and healing. Controlling emotions is the skill Bex most needs to work on and we have so much time right now to work on that!

Covid Diaries Day 7: What do I know?

What do I think, what do I know, What can I prove?


I feel as though I know so little about the actual disease.  At first I thought it was just like the flu. Even when I watched early accounts of actual people who had it they said it was like the worst flu you've ever had.  It wasn't until I read about a 40something year old cross fitter thought to be in excellent health who died of corona that I started to panic.  As I've said before when the boys were first out of school and I was told to work remotely I went to my sisters and thought everything would be back to normal in a week maybe 2.  It wasn't until I started joining daily calls at work that I realized this might be worse then I thought.


I am an HR Business Partner for a Global company so my initial days were spent making sure people had what they needed to do their job now they are spent making sure everyone is mentally safe and figuring out what the new normal will be when we return to work and social events.  I truly believe there will be PTSD even for those who weren't directly effected and it will be important that we are prepared to support those individuals.


I know my company has been able to provide amazing helpful data to healthcare professionals to try to flatten the curve. 


I know people are losing jobs and money and depending on who you listen to this will continue until mid-May or 2022.


I really don't do a ton of research about the disease itself because I'm choosing to spend my time researching how to help people during and after this crisis.  What will it look like when things are back to normal?  What will the new normal be?  The information that I get about COVID itself is usually from my Brother In Law who is a doctor, friends, Alfred and through work calls which are COVID related. 

COVID Diaries - Silent Solitary Reflection

I've been practicing meditation with the Headspace and Whil Apps for over a year and I've gotten pretty good at clearing my mind with meditation that is led but just clearing my mind is tough. 


I decided to do this after work so I could clear my mind.  The night before the bar tender served me a tad too much wine.  (Psst...it was me I'm the bartender).  I didn't feel terrible but I wasn't my best self so I  thought a moment of reflection...or 10 would be great. Because there are people everywhere in my house and it was chilly outside all the comfy sitting places were occupied so I decided to go to my bed and  .  I set my timer, laid back and closed my eyes.


 Am I supposed to be sitting is that what the directions said.  Is it cheating if I lay down.  Am I going to fall asleep.  Of crap I'm biting my lip...relax.  I wish I could stop and write down my thoughts because it will be hard to remember them.  Crap I forgot to register for my classes today.  I hope the 2 classes I have to have aren't taken.  I am supposed to thinking about COVID?  I should have read the instructions again before I started.  If I clear my mind I will have nothing to write about.  Relax your feet, relax you leg, relax your arms, crap I'm biting my lip again. Then the timer went off and jolted me from a very peaceful state and I was super confused by what was happening and why my timer was going off.....crap I must have fallen asleep.

COVID Diaries - GAC Scale

GAC - Give A Crap Scale - If I looked at your time journal what would appear to be high on your G.A.C. scale? Is it actually high for you? What would be low? During COVID what are you learning about the way you spend time/money/energy that will stick with you after this time period?


This assignment has been the toughest for me so far.  I've thought all day that nothing is really high on my GAC scale but as I'm sitting here at 6:30pm still working I realize that work is pretty high on my GAC scale.  I want to do a great job, I want to ensure all my employees are happy and safe, I want to have face to face hallway interactions as opposed to hearing some people through email only.  Today was a tough day at work for a multitude of reasons and I realized that on these tough days it's so nice to duck into my CTO's office and gripe for a minute or have my friend Jonna pop in and talk through my woes, or having my friend Jim tell me it's time to do something about my hair or popping into one of my neighbors offices to talk about our kiddos.  I miss going into the office.  That is probably an 8 on my GAC scale.


Personal appearance during non COVID is probably an 8 but during COVID it's a solid 2.  I want to wear clean clothes and not look too bad on video. Other than that I could care less.


At first I cared that my boys were watching too much TV and not coming out of their rooms very often.  Now that's about a 4.  I never wanted to be a teacher (except for one semester in college where I quickly realized it wasn't for me) so what makes me thing I would enjoy it now! I don't at all and I'm just not that into doing it.


Food and eating are always pretty high for me.  I have a fear of not having enough food (just ask anyone who knows me).  That is still a 9.


Time with Alfred has moved up on my scale.  It's always been about a 6 but now that we have spent so much time together and we are having so much time watching TV, walking etc.  It is probably a 8. I hate if he wants to do something without me.


Personal time is a 6 although I realized I'm not getting as much of that lately.


Exercise is an 8.  I really want to get exercise everyday and I enjoy it. 


How we spend money is usually a 10 on my GAC but during COVID we aren't really spending much so I've relaxed a little and I'm not logging into my bank account nearly as much as I usually do.  So I would say it's a solid 5 now.


My GAC scale is adjusting day to day and week to week.  Just as my anxiety adjusts day to day and week to week.  Yesterday I felt like I could stay in quarantine forever and be just fine.  Today I want out.

COVID Diary - Daily Diary Edition

Keep a time journal for one day. journal/Document what you are doing in 30 minute increments--try to be as specific as you can. You can use your phone, you can write it down--whatever is easiest. At the end of the day block out the time into categories. How do you spend your time? Did you find what you thought you would or did you find anything surprising? How has Covid changed the way you allocate your time? How hard was it to keep track of your time? How hard was it to be honest about it? Why? Did studying your time journal make you want to make any changes? If so, what?

• 7:40am - Since I was up until midnight last night watching Mindhunter with Alfred I slept in but to be honest this is my new normal.   I woke up and looked at the socials, checked my email etc.
• 8:00am - Got out of bed, washed my face, started water boiling for coffee and sat down at my computer to start working.  Without the commute I can be logged in working 5 minutes after I get out of bed.
• 8:30am - I didn't have any early morning meetings so I took care of some emails,  then did some paperwork for Grad School and found out the my summer cruise had officially been cancelled -decided not to rebook this year but to move until next year and switch from the Bahamas to Alaska. This meant I spent some time being sad
• 9:30am - I had a coffee call with a group of friends from work..  We realized a few weeks ago that we tend to get the most sad about our current situation on Monday mornings so we made a commitment to connect via video every Monday morning until we are back in the office
• 10:00am -Answered emails, made and ate breakfast
• 10:30am- Call with one of the VP's I support we would usually do this by phone anyway since she is in CA so nothing different here. At some point in this call the boys came to the kitchen, made themselves breakfast and ate.  I gave them kisses and said good morning.
• 11:30am - Took a break to do some household chores and chat with Alfred and the boys
• 12:00pm -Ate cake and brushed my teeth for the day (don't judge) and worked
• 2:00pm - Warmed up a lasagna and ate lunch while doing a WebEx meeting
• 3:00pm - Virtual HR Team meeting (This isn't different since we all work in different locations)
• 4:00pm - Did a bit of laundry and started to wind work down 
• 5:00pm - Officially logged off work, changed and did an Orange Theory On Line Workout while Alfred made dinner
• 6:30pm -  Took Shower while we were waiting on dinner to come out of oven
• 7:30pm - Sat down with family to eat and watch an episode of Manifest
• 8:30pm - 11:00 Decided tonight we would have family wii night so we headed to the Bonus room to play wii games  (At some point during this I had a work emergency come up and to spend about 30 minutes working)
• 11:00 - 1:00 (I assume this is when I will go to bed) Watched Mindhunter with Alfred

My biggest finding was that I spend about the same amount of time working as I did before.  Some days are longer but other than not seeing people face to face the amount of work and what I do haven't changed.


The biggest change to our schedule is that we don't have to take the boys to school. We (Alfred) commute almost an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening in addition to our regular commute to take them to and from school. (We leave the house at 6:45am and we don't arrive home until 6:30pm) Not having that commute has given us so much time back. Also the lack of homework in the evenings has made life so much easer!  In addition because no one has to get up early most mornings we can stay up watching movies and playing games as late as we want.  We have so much time together. Most evenings we take a family walk but today I wanted to do a longer OT workout and Kingston was talking to his friends on Zoom so we didn't and I missed it.


If I changed anything it would most likely be that we need to do a better job at putting the boys on a consistent school work schedule. They are learning and reading but there is very little consistency.


I do know it will be an adjustment to go back to our post COVID life.   

COVID Diaries Food Edition

How have my food habits changed since COVID? 

We have more food then we ever have and it is making our choices very overwhelming!  Our fridge is usually pretty bare and our freezer has uncrustables and ice cream. Our pantry usually has a few staple items but not much. 

Neither Alfred or I find cooking to be something that brings us great joy.  Most nights we get home after 6 and it is a sprint to get food on the table.  Which is why most weeks we use my friends meal prep service to provide our dinners.  She is a dietician so she makes nutritious vegetarian meals that are super quick to make. Our lunches and breakfasts are basics that we pick up from going to the grocery every Sunday after church. We eat at the same Mexican restaurant every Wednesday and order pizza every Friday.  We are pretty basic. 

As a family we eat dinner when a lot of other kids are going to bed.  Most nights around 7PM but we always eat as a family. Not around a dinner table but with Alfred and I sitting in the living room eating on tray tables, Kingston sitting at the bar and Beckett at the kitchen table.  We always pick a family show to watch and we watch that while we eat. 

So how has that changed since COVID. When Alfred heard there was going to be a mandated Stay At Home Order in our County he went to the grocery and stocked up on meat and a ton of non perishables.  Because of this and the fact that Alfred works for a food broker allowing us access to a ton of meat we haven't really felt the meat shortage others have felt.  One of us still goes to the store once a week to get fresh produce and fill in gaps but at this point the boys just stare at all the food in awe.  Kingston said he has a hard time choosing what to eat because he's never all of these choices in his life!

Because I have extra time I don't mind cooking as much as once did and since both of the boys had birthdays in quarantine I have even baked 2 cakes!  I'm still working from home so we don't do formal breakfasts and lunch and a lot of times the boys don't eat breakfast until lunch time and then lunch is a mid afternoon snack.  Our dinner has gotten even later since we stay up until midnight most nights.  We still eat together most nights although lately we've had so many leftovers one of two nights a week we have fend for yourself dinner which is an opportunity to eat left overs or something from the freezer.  Meals and snacks are very relaxed with no real schedule since our days have no real schedule.

The weirdest thing to me has been what's not available at the store.  Toaster Strudels, waffles, lunch meat, ice cream, frozen potatoes of any kind. 

 

I'm posting a few pics of our current food sitch so when we go back to normal I can remind the boys of that one time we had too many choices.

COVID Diaries Day 2

Today's assignment is to document our "safety" choices, what is the choice and why did I make it.  Is if  fear of the disease, fear of judgement, fear of the unknown etc.


Before I get to my decisions I need to document the backstory so future Rachel remembers all of this.


I first started hearing about the Corona virus in February. At that time it was happening in other countries to other people and I thought it was a really bad flu that people were blowing out of proportion and didn't think a lot about it.


On March 3rd I woke up to a phone call that school was cancelled because of a tornado that hit downtown Nashville. As an HR Business Partner my immediate thought was to start reaching out to my employees and making certain everyone was OK. I spent the better part of that week dealing with the aftermath of the tornado so when I learned the County my office is in had it's first case of corona I was still busy with the tornado and although I paid attention I didn't think much about it.


After 4 days out of school due to tornado damage my kids returned to school on March 9th.  The Corona Virus conversations were picking up but I still thought it was much ado about nothing.  On March 11th Alfred and Beckett went to the SEC basketball tournament game at Bridgestone Arena.  While at the game they were told it would be the last game of the season with fans in attendance (which would end up actually being the last game of the tournament).  We also got the call that night that school would be out for the remainder of the week while they sanitized the schools.  Even though no one had tested positive at the schools they wanted to take extra precautions.  Spring Break was the following week and we thought that would give them enough time to get everything put back in order.  Since that day the kids have not returned to school and are currently out until at least April 27th although we don't expect them to go back this year. 


That same week as CA and IL and many other states were issuing stay at home orders due tot the outbreaks in their states my company determined that we would also go fully remote except for essential staff (security guards, data center etc.)  My kids were already going to my sisters for Spring Break and since I was now going to be working remote I decided to go with them. At this point I assumed we would all go back to normal at the beginning of the next week. The first day I was at my sisters we went to the mall and were actually kind of confused about what social distancing meant.  We weren't fearful and weren't taking it seriously.  While at the mall enjoying time with my sister, mom, kids and nephews I went to Starbucks to grab a coffee and everyone got the same alert at the same time.  Restaurants in Ohio would not be able to serve people sitting in the restaurants. Everything would have to be take out.  I started talking to a lady in line and we discussed how this might be scarier then we thought.  As the week went on and more and more cases started popping up and more and more Governors started issuing Stay at home orders my fear started to rise.  Would I be able to get home.  Would I end up giving my 62 year old mom who is living with Cancer this disease that I'm not sure she could survive.  Do I have an underlying medical condition I am unaware of that would keep me from surviving?  After a week at my sisters my mom packed the boys and I a lunch and we headed home.  We made the 6 hour drive without stopping and I pulled into my drive way with the gas light on .  I was fearful of what people would think if they saw us out and about, I was fearful that I would stop somewhere and pick up the disease.


So now that I've captured the back story on to today's assignment.  Since I returned from Ohio I have only left the neighborhood twice to go to the grocery store.   The first time I was so overwhelmed with fear I could barely shop and I cried on the way home.  The second time was better but when someone spoke to me I felt like I couldn't talk back.  I keep wanting to meet my friends to run but early on my husband was fearful of me going and that fear has stuck with me.  People are also posting  a lot of really hateful things about runners on social media and that scares me (fear of being judged).  I keep thinking if I have to tell the CDC where I've been in the last 14 days would they question my choices.  I haven't let the boys play with their neighborhood friends who they typically spend tons of time with. I'm fearful that people aren't being as diligent as we are or that our trip to the grocery story or the time's that Alfred has to go to work will pass it along to our neighbors who we love dearly.  We wash our hands constantly even though most of the time we are only touching stuff our family has touched but everyone just keeps saying wash your hands and don't touch your face.   I think my choices are a combination of fear of the disease, fear of being judged and fear of the unknown. 

COVID Diaries

Leave it to a Global Pandemic for me to dust off the blog.  My friend Wendy gave an assignment to her class that will have them documenting this time in our lives.  At this point we've been social distancing for a full month.  Four weeks of working from home, 4 weeks of no school for the kids and 4 weeks of no face to face time with friends.  Some days are hard.  Some days I really miss my friends and my office at work and being able to run to the store to pick something up without fear of catching a virus and bringing it home.   Sometimes the fear I feel is paralyzing and not just for me but for our country. As you can imagine the need to stay in has really hurt small businesses. Most everyone I know has been financially impacted in some way.  But there are also a lot of good things.  I'm really enjoying our evening walks through the neighborhood, staying up late watching TV with Alfred, laughing with the boys in the middle of the work day, the Zoom calls that have allowed me to connect with so many people and so much more!   We just have a lot more time and that is something I'm not going to take for granted.  I hope over the next 4 weeks I can capture this weird time in our lives!  Today's assignment is 5 pictures that show what your life is like during this time period.  



Our church doesn't usually offer a virtual option, however, since we can't worship as a church family they have been having Facebook watch parties.  Every Sunday we get up and join other members at 9am for a Facebook watch party where our Pastor does a sermon, our musician blesses us with her amazing voice and our Children's director gives a message to the kids.  Since this is the Easter season we joined a virtual Maudy Thursday service compete with at home communion! 



This has been my work station for the past 4 weeks!  I love looking outside at the animals that come into my yard but sometimes being in the kitchen can get noisy.  Luckily Alfred has taken up shop in the bonus room and the boys both have desks in their rooms so we are separate during he day.

In my real everyday life I don't bake or cook much but my COVID life has led to a lot of baking and cooking.

We have broken out the board games and have been blessed with many beautiful days to play outside.

We've also taken up some home projects which makes  Kingston the most happy since he loves building and fixing stuff.

COVID life is something no one was prepared for and without knowing when it will end it is a little unnerving.  I hope to one day look back at this blog and remember what it was like to be in this weird time.